Things Don’t Get Better

Hi,

I was abused by my father most of my childhood. He beat me, he choked me, he pushed me down a flight of stairs, and hit me with the wrong side of the belt until my skin bled. This occurred between ages 7 and 17 for me. The most impressionable years of my life. He hit me like he wanted to kill me. I was in a dark place physically, emotionally, and mentally most of my childhood because of this.

My young adult years were not much better as I turned to alcohol and partying to cope with the trauma I experienced. I believed that if I removed myself from the situation things would magically get better. I was wrong. I may have escaped the physical abuse but the mental and emotional abuse was still alive and well. I was still miserable.

I realized that things don’t just improve on their own. I may not have been beaten until my skin bled but I was still in pain. I had to sit with the memories of what my father did to me. I had to sit with the fact that I would never have a relationship with my father. He would never walk me down the aisle at my wedding. He would never meet my children. He would never see the life that I created for myself. These are all thoughts and ideas I was not okay with. These are all thoughts and ideas that hurt me. The hurt is not different now. I am just much better at handling it. That is why I say:

Things don’t get better. Life doesn’t get better. We get better at handling the trauma we’ve experienced.

From making the conscientious decision of living with the trauma and finding healthy ways to cope with it, things get better. Life gets better. Though, if we allow the trauma to devour us, it gets worse.

I still struggle with many things but I have faith that I will always get better at coping with my emotions in healthy ways. That is a choice I will continue to make so that things do in fact get better.

Thanks for reading.