What We Don’t See

Hi,

I recently completed reading The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you. If you haven't read it, I must warn you, it's quite heavy. The book delves into the profound and lasting impact of trauma on both the body and the mind. It presents numerous heartbreaking real-life examples of adults who endured sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or sometimes all three during their childhood. It is a gut-wrenching yet vital read. Bessel further emphasizes that the first 7 to 10 years of our lives significantly shape our entire existence. Our thoughts, emotions, perception of others, and, most importantly, our perception of ourselves are largely influenced by these early years.

After reflecting on these insights, I found myself pondering two fundamental questions: (1) How can we prevent children from being abused? (2) How can we help heal these broken adults?

Personally, I find it disheartening when individuals witness atrocities in the world and simply shrug their shoulders, resigned to the belief that such events are inevitable. It is this bystander attitude that has contributed to the current state of affairs. While we may not all have the ability to be like Clark Kent, rescuing children from abuse and alleviating their lifelong struggles with mental health, the impact of saving even one child cannot be overstated. Why? Because the effect compounds when two, three, or even ten people take the same action. We are talking about changing an entire generation for the better.

So, in response to question (1), we must all actively engage in protecting children, enabling them to grow into healthy and happy adults. If we want to consider the matter analytically, we should take into account the enormous cost that unproductive adults impose on taxpayers—think Medicaid, welfare, and the prison system. Healthy and content adults are not only beneficial for society but also for the economy at large.

Now, let's address question (2). I personally struggle with feeling empathy for adults who consistently make poor decisions. By that point, one typically knows the difference between right and wrong, and there are no excuses for persistently engaging in detrimental behavior. I say this as someone who made a lot of bad decisions between the ages of 18 and 22. Although I still make mistakes now, they are few and far between, and their consequences are generally minor. However, what should we do with a 25-year-old serial shoplifter who hasn't learned how to effectively process the sexual abuse they suffered at the age of 8 from a trusted teacher? Or a 34-year-old alcoholic who habitually drives home after a night of heavy drinking because their alcoholic father would beat them almost every night? Should we place them in therapy and hope that they change their ways? What if they don't? This brings us back to question (1)—preventing child abuse from occurring in the first place or, at the very least, addressing it promptly when it does happen.

Preventing children from growing into unproductive adults requires collective effort. Each one of us must keep a watchful eye over these vulnerable and innocent beings who deserve to be loved and cared for. We cannot wait for someone else to take action. Let us become those trusted adults who offer solace and support to children enduring unimaginable hardships. This is the only way we can create a better society.

Thanks for reading.